Why do we, and by we I mean women beat ourselves up so much? I can only speak from a woman’s perspective because that’s the only one and I have and besides that I’m pretty sure men don’t do it. I may consult the men in my life about that because I’m curious and because if they really don’t do it then I want to know why not.
The racket in my brain is crazy – and some days I mean that literally. I beat myself up regularly about almost everything. Here are some examples: the size of my ass, the mess of my house, not paying enough attention to Jon when he’s speaking to me and my shitty wardrobe to name a few. Here are a few more; not calling Shane often enough, letting Bradley play too many video games. Then there’s not looking after my garden well enough, or grocery shopping before the pantry is pretty much empty, yelling at the dog, forgetting almost everything. And of course there’s my hair – please don’t get me started on my hair. Right now I’m crabbing at myself for writing this standing at the kitchen island and eating my lunch because I just got a crumb in the key board, and it would be healthier to sit at the table and enjoy my meal. The list is endless and I know we all have one. Why? I know it’s not doing me any good, and I'm pretty certain that all the women I know realize it's not helping them any either.
Over the years I’ve asked two therapists – both women, why we feel the need to do this to ourselves. The first one answered with about ten minutes of psycho babble that basically meant she didn’t know and that it’s just a girl thing. The second one answered with a very honest “I dunno”. If the professionals don't know where does that leave us?
I’m very straightforward in my way of speaking but I would never say to a friend or anyone I cared about the things I say to myself. It would never be OK. Never. And yet every day I say really mean, unkind and downright bitchy things to myself. Here are a few observations on how this has been working for me so far. I haven’t lost any weight; in fact I’ve gained some. My house still needs vacuumed (desperately), I haven’t called Shane – just texted and my hair is seriously in need of a good trim.
All of this circle back to my original question. Clearly I have no answers. Maybe beating myself up will generate some – then again, probably not.