Monday, August 1, 2011

What does Ease mean to me?

Yesterday I defined simplicity for me as being a life without complications. Today I'm going to try to define ease for myself. This one is going to be tricky. I've already mentioned that I suffer from depression and anxiety and in dealing with these two illnesses regularly for most of my life I'm not sure that I've ever really experienced true ease. My life has consisted primarily of struggle and I can admit that a good portion of that has been of my own making, however with that being said there's nothing like anxiety - both general and social to make things much harder than necessary. I would like to say then that I will live my life with ease when my anxiety is gone, but I know that's not going to happen. Which brings me to living with ease and anxiety. Ultimately that's what I'm looking for. I hope to find a way of living easier while accepting my health just the way it is.

I choose to live without medication as a way of managing my health. Prescription medications work for many people but not for me. I use lifestyle modifications and alternative treatments to manage both my mental and physical health which means that I immediately have a struggle with my doctor because she's most interested in prescribing me meds for this and that. It also means that I occasionally run into difficulties with my friends and family because they often don't understand my insistence on remaining medication free. Would my life be easier if I took anti-anxieties, anti-depressants, or pain medication? The answer to that is an unequivocal NO! I've tried all the recognised treatments and all have worked a little, but not a lot, and I without fail end up feeling like some one else. I don't judge the people I know who choose medications, but often they judge me - which certainly doesn't lead to ease in my life, letting go of what others think of me and my life might though.

What does work for me? Meditation, mindfulness, writing, living in nature, being creative and playing with my dogs....maybe that's why I have three of them!! I try to remind myself that this is a journey, and that I'm supposed to enjoy myself along the way. Am I going to master ease anytime soon? Probably not - but what I can do is try to let go of the struggle and embrace my life and myself just as things are now because I know that I can only find ease in the present moment.

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