Friday, September 2, 2011

It’s That Time of Year Again

The beginning of September is here again and for many of us this means back to school time. There are supplies to be purchased, new clothes and shoes to get, back packs to be filled and nerves to be soothed. But that’s not all that happens this time of the year. With the cooler weather starting and the kids being busy again many women look at the start of September as a new beginning, almost like a new year. I’ve been interested in fitness and nutrition almost all of my life and in health clubs/spas/community centres this is a busy time of year; while it’s not quite like resolution time in January it is certainly busy. But why? What makes September a new beginning?  If it was just the change in weather we’d have new beginnings all the time in our part of the world.

I know I’m feeling like change is in the air for me right now. I’m antsy and unfocused. I’m unsatisfied and discontent and these aren’t usual feelings for me. I love the fall and I always look forward to it but for some reason this year I have mixed feelings about what’s coming my way. I don’t know exactly what it is but I can say for certainty that there’s something coming and I feel like I may need to hunker down to get through.

I can’t remember where I heard the term spiritual discontent but I know it feels pretty accurate to what I’m feeling right now. I look in the mirror and sometimes I’m shocked. Who the hell is that woman staring back at me. She might look a little like me but she can’t be me.  In my mind I’m still thirtyish and slim and healthy. When I say that out loud it makes me laugh a can I be thirty when I have a twenty year old? But Shane being twenty doesn’t make it untrue it just makes it a little depressing. Today I’m 42, well on my way to 43 and change is coming my way – it has to. It’s time.

I read an online article by one of the authors that I regularly read and one of her suggestions was to write down a list of your priorities and of the things that are most important to you.

Here’s my list:

Jon/our marriage
Shane and Bradley/our family
Our extended family
Personal growth
Nature and the environment

I wrote it down and I looked at it, I felt like it was missing something. I went out and hung up my laundry and did a few things around the house and when I came back and re-read it I figured out what was missing. Me. I’m missing from my own list of what’s important to me. I know I’m not the only one who has a long list of important things without themselves on it. I also know we all need to change and put ourselves at the very top of the list. Yes – I said at the very top. We all deserve to be right at the top – number one in our own lives.

I’ve had some criticism that I’m writing too personally so I think I might hear that again with this one and that’s ok with me. I don’t have a problem speaking my truth. I’d like to live in a world where our own truths are accepted by us and welcomed by those around us. I’ve always said that I don’t like children and I’ve had many women shush me and tell me over the years that I shouldn’t say that. I’ve also always said that I’ve enjoyed my boys more and more the older they get. They’ve heard me say both forever and one thing I know with absolute certainty is that my children know I love them unconditionally. So if I can speak my truth with my children and they know I love them then I know I can speak my truth about anything. Which makes the question; will those around me welcome it? I guess it’s all about waiting to see what happens. I will keep you posted!

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