I can’t remember the last time I had a day to do whatever I wanted to. I’ve been going and going the last few weeks and I’m really tired of it. I wish I could pretend to be a turtle and just pull myself into my shell and stay there until I feel like coming out. On Monday I decided that I would give myself a month of looking after myself and of putting my needs first in my life but I forgot that I had several days of dental appointments lined up. When I was thinking of doing things for myself I briefly held the idea that those thirty days would be enjoyable and that I would only do the things that I want to do. Unfortunately I forgot about all the shoulds and have tos.
I don’t know where all my stamina has gone. I can remember working full time, looking after the boys, my house and still having time for a social life and hobbies. Now I can barely find the stamina – or the time to do the bare necessities. Clearly I’m not doing a very good job of looking after myself. I wonder when that changed – or why I let it. I guess ultimately that’s the question I need to answer for myself. Why have I let myself off the hook when it comes to me? I deserve better.
In these moments I wonder what other people do to de-stress and relax. I know I’m not the only person struggling with all of this stuff.
You know what? I’m tired of listening to myself whine – so in addition to my thirty days of (trying) to do a better job looking after myself I’m also going to give up whining and complaining. I might regret putting that in writing when Jon reads this, but what the heck – here’s to 30 days of no whining and focusing on the positive instead of the negative. Since I don’t have any dental appointments scheduled for the next month I’m confident that I can do this...wish me luck!