The last several weeks have been harder than I ever imagined a time could be and I’ve had to remind myself a few times to be gentle and kind with myself. It’s easy to beat myself up about not getting the dinner made or the dishes done or not being as present as I feel I should be with my family; it’s much harder to remain gentle and careful with myself.
I’m doing my best to try to feel my feelings and stay present to my own needs. Losing a brother or sister has to be one of the most difficult things we can go through. We all expect sooner or later to lose our parents but we never expect to lose a sibling.
My world is different than it was before February 20th, and I need kindness and compassion and love. I need attention and soothing – I need to know I’m cared about and that someone understands what I’m going through.
The only person I’m guaranteed to get that from is me, so I’m doing my very best to look after myself and I know when I’m stressed out or having a hard time there is very little that soothes me more than an hour or two spent with my camera. If I can have my camera and some flowers I know I’ll at least forget my worries for a little while.