Thursday, October 10, 2013

I want, I want, I want....

“Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences.
For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator.
But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…” 

~~ Timothy Leary

I came across this quote weeks ago and it's been buzzing around my brain since. It so resonates with me. Maybe with you too?

Do we all feel different from other people? Is it just me and Timothy Leary?

I don't know the answer to that question. But I wish I did. I wish I did because then it would be easier to speak my truth. It would be easier to put myself out there as me, instead of the me I think I should be, or the me that I've had experience in believing is the acceptable me.

I want to say wild witty things and have them understood.
I want to have deep meaningful conversation.
I want to say what I mean. Always.
I want to sing really loudly to bad 80's songs even though I can't hold a tune.
I want to tell rude people what I really think of them.
I want to tell kind people what I think of them.
I want to smile at strangers and not have them think I'm crazy.
I want to speak from my heart and know that it's welcome.
I want to be able to cry without feeling like my feelings are an embarrassment or a pain in the ass.
I want to be brave enough to tell my friends my hopes and dreams.
I want to be brave enough to tell the world my hopes and dreams.
I want my friends and family to tell me all about their hopes and dreams.
I want them to tell me what's deep in their hearts.
I want to drive an old muscle car really fast without worrying about a speeding ticket.
I want to get more tattoos without worrying what other people think.
I want to say the word fuck as often in public as I do in private.
I want to feel the ocean on my feet.
I want to not feel guilty about using hydro in the middle of the day.
I want to save the environment.
I want to save the world.
I want to roll down a long steep hill like I did when I was a little girl.
I want to lay on a dock and stare at the stars until one of them falls just for me.
I want to feel my beloved's soft breath on my cheek as he sleeps peacefully.
I want to hear my family's laughter.
I want to laugh until my belly hurts every single fucking day.
I want to see the green of Ireland and the heather in Scotland.
I want to have my breath taken away by the beauty in EVERYTHING.
I want to lay on a floaty in a lake for hours listening to the silence.
I want to be comfortable in my body right now. Today - not after I lose X number of pounds.
I want to look into the mirror and smile a silly grin at the woman looking back at me.
I want to be uninhibited as my beloved sees me naked.
I want to skinny dip and laugh like a loon when the cold water hits my belly button.
I want to relish a good marinara sauce.
I want to go to Italy for pizza.
I want to learn to fly a helicopter.
I want to just be me without thinking about who me is all the time.
I want to believe I am ok just the way I am.

I want to tell the little girl I used to be that it's OK to just be her. That no matter what anyone says or does to her that she's perfect just the way she is. I want to tell her to believe in her feelings, to trust her instincts and know that she is loved. No modifications required! 


  1. LOVE that picture and love your list, too!! It's not just you and Timothy. I have been weird all my life. I'm used to it now.

    1. It's so nice to hear I'm not the only one - or at least not the only one who knows they're different! :)