Monday, October 21, 2013

The Last Blooms

I've been slowly putting my gardens to bed for the coming winter. I have a few things to do yet though. My roses need covered, we still need to harvest our onions and leeks, we have one tiny tree to plant but as soon as those things are done I'll have to live by my garden dreams alone.

Jon made me a new bed last weekend and I planted about 110 spring bulbs. I took some shots of the few remaining blooms. I love our seasons, but it's sad when I know my blooms are done for another year.

"The earth laughs in flowers" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have a few cosmos still blooming and I guess I probably will until we get our first snow fall - thank God for cosmos!

My morning glories didn't do very well this year - in fact I didn't even get a blossom until September, but I have a few still hanging on.

I have a few wild roses and a few roses still blooming. Unless we get a hard frost in the next week or so I might still get a few more roses too!

My sweet peas did about as well as my morning glories this year but as of late last week I still had a bloom or two. They're so beautiful and the fragrance is just wonderful - the memories will hold me through the winter.

A random lupin...I started these from seed this spring expecting to get a few blooms early next summer. It's a little out of season, but I'm not complaining!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Change is Hard

Change is hard. It's lonely, and it often leaves you wondering what the hell you're doing.

That's where I'm at right now. I'd been so stuck and then I went 0 to 60 with the snap of my fingers and now I'm screaming whoa at the top of my lungs.

I've already learned a few things about me that I was unaware of. I thought I liked busy - I don't. I thought I enjoyed being in front of the computer all day - I don't. I thought I enjoyed facebook - I don't when it's work/school related. I thought the reading would be easy - it isn't. I thought school (again) would be fun - it's not.

Don't get me wrong. I made the right decision; I'm just having trouble with the adjustments. I keep telling myself I need some time management skills, but how the hell do I learn them on top of everything else? I keep telling myself I just need a schedule, but how do I do that when I know nothing about time management?

I just keep plugging along through the days figuring that sooner or later I'll figure it out. If not - it's not going to last forever.

I keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it in the end. My big hopes and dreams are patiently waiting for me a few months down the road and since I don't want to let them down I'll keep moving forward believing that I can make it!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

I want, I want, I want....

“Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences.
For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator.
But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…” 

~~ Timothy Leary

I came across this quote weeks ago and it's been buzzing around my brain since. It so resonates with me. Maybe with you too?

Do we all feel different from other people? Is it just me and Timothy Leary?

I don't know the answer to that question. But I wish I did. I wish I did because then it would be easier to speak my truth. It would be easier to put myself out there as me, instead of the me I think I should be, or the me that I've had experience in believing is the acceptable me.

I want to say wild witty things and have them understood.
I want to have deep meaningful conversation.
I want to say what I mean. Always.
I want to sing really loudly to bad 80's songs even though I can't hold a tune.
I want to tell rude people what I really think of them.
I want to tell kind people what I think of them.
I want to smile at strangers and not have them think I'm crazy.
I want to speak from my heart and know that it's welcome.
I want to be able to cry without feeling like my feelings are an embarrassment or a pain in the ass.
I want to be brave enough to tell my friends my hopes and dreams.
I want to be brave enough to tell the world my hopes and dreams.
I want my friends and family to tell me all about their hopes and dreams.
I want them to tell me what's deep in their hearts.
I want to drive an old muscle car really fast without worrying about a speeding ticket.
I want to get more tattoos without worrying what other people think.
I want to say the word fuck as often in public as I do in private.
I want to feel the ocean on my feet.
I want to not feel guilty about using hydro in the middle of the day.
I want to save the environment.
I want to save the world.
I want to roll down a long steep hill like I did when I was a little girl.
I want to lay on a dock and stare at the stars until one of them falls just for me.
I want to feel my beloved's soft breath on my cheek as he sleeps peacefully.
I want to hear my family's laughter.
I want to laugh until my belly hurts every single fucking day.
I want to see the green of Ireland and the heather in Scotland.
I want to have my breath taken away by the beauty in EVERYTHING.
I want to lay on a floaty in a lake for hours listening to the silence.
I want to be comfortable in my body right now. Today - not after I lose X number of pounds.
I want to look into the mirror and smile a silly grin at the woman looking back at me.
I want to be uninhibited as my beloved sees me naked.
I want to skinny dip and laugh like a loon when the cold water hits my belly button.
I want to relish a good marinara sauce.
I want to go to Italy for pizza.
I want to learn to fly a helicopter.
I want to just be me without thinking about who me is all the time.
I want to believe I am ok just the way I am.

I want to tell the little girl I used to be that it's OK to just be her. That no matter what anyone says or does to her that she's perfect just the way she is. I want to tell her to believe in her feelings, to trust her instincts and know that she is loved. No modifications required! 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

A Quiet Kind of Joy

The seasons all have their distinct energy. Spring is bursting, happy and light. Summer feels abundant and full, fall feels calm and nurturing and winter brings a quiet and subtle energy.

Fall has always been my favourite season. The soft light, the shorter days and the preparation for winter always make me feel more like myself than any other time of year. It feels bittersweet to watch my beloved gardens go to sleep for the winter but the yearly routine of nesting and of slowing down is the balance I need at this time of year.

When the fall breeze turns chilly and the days begin to shorten I know that I can come home to myself and settle in for the long winter. The radiant colours of the fall feel like Mother Nature giving us her all before she takes her nap and refreshes herself for the following spring.

At this time of year there's time for us to pause and to take a deep breath. We can slow down from our harried pace of the summer months. We can prepare our homes and gardens for the upcoming rest, and we can tune in deeply to the beauty that surrounds us easier now than at other times of the year.

As I sit here right now the breeze is blowing and I can hear both the leaves rustling and my wind chimes playing me a beautiful tune. I can look out my window and see the leaves just starting to change and the birds playing around the feeders. I'm feeling calm and centered and a little introspective.

There is a quiet kind of joy being in tune with the seasons and my little slice of heaven. I'm so grateful - can you feel it too?

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

52 Photos Project - seasonal colour / gold

It's been a while since I participated in 52 Photos Project and I've missed it. Check out the wonderful photos and interpretations of the prompts.

This week at 52 Photos Project it's Gallery 24, seasonal colour/gold.

While this particular photo might now be as gold as some fall photos I really love it. It really reminds me of fall and the beauty of the season.